sandy

All I want to do is sing His praises!  I love being in the choir.  I feel so pure and good in my choir robe, and so close to Heaven in the choir loft.  So why am I put to the test with a church potluck on the first day of choir practice.  No way can I miss this first practice, we go over all the music that we’ll be using for the rest of the year.  After being off for the summer there is so much to catch up on…. the pipes  are a little rusty and some of us need  a little ‘tune up’ .  ;)   But a potluck is just asking for trouble.  I won’t even begin to try to describe all the different dishes that were presented, a few notables were homemade mac n’ cheese with delicious, big chunks of ham….   A carrot cake with THICK frosting.  (my downfall is frosting) Crackers and brie with wine, …. even Pastor Dave brought a huge chocolate pudding cake…..   The weather was beautiful and the tables were set up right next to the beautiful Row River….  It was perfect.  We ate ’til we were almost too full to sing.  lol        But we did practice for over 3 hours straight, so I figure …maybe… we used a lot of calories???   Don’t you think?   And I did help carry all the binders with our music to and from the car.   That had to burn some.    It just wouldn’t be right if all my efforts to sing for the glory of God was rewarded with a  ((gasp)) weight gain.   Would it be wrong to pray for something so selfish as making my mini-goal next week?   I’ll have to think about that…….

Just trying to see if I can put a picture in my blog….  I love dancing granny, that’s how I want to look by 2009.

That’s my motto for the Christmas Challenge.  It’s going to be my Christmas present to myself,only without the gray hair,  mine is blond and I intend to keep it that way!  

It was really 4 miles instead of 3.1 because the start/finish was 1/2 mile from the parking area.  AND it only took us 55 minutes.    We even passed two people.  My daughter walked with me, I know she really wanted to run, but she is so sweet, she wanted to walk with me on my first one.  It does make it easier if you have someone to talk too, and before I knew it we were at the halfway mark.  When I called my husband to tell him I finished he was amazed how quick we got done.  Made me feel like a champion.  I fully expected to hear ‘Chariots of Fire’ playing as we came across the finish line.  lol   Anyway, I’m proud.  (can you tell?)  Ready for the next one.  Bring it on!!!

Didn’t your mom ever tell you that?  Mine did.  Sometimes I forget and send a negative comment to someone.  I did that last week, and I apologized …. it wasn’t meant to be unkind, but it was.  It hurt someone’s feelings and that was not what I intended at all!  But it did serve a purpose.  I have to rethink how I come across to my buddies.  It is too easy to get all full of myself, to think I know it all and try to ’save’ all my buddies, who obviously don’t know half as much as losing weight and good health as I do.  lol  The fact that I ’slipped and fell’ into the peanut butter this week pretty much proves I don’t know half as much as I thought I did.    I think if we all need a little more kindness, a little less censure….  if ever there was a group of people in need of kindness, acceptance and a few hugs it’s all of us here at buddyslim.    So this is me sending love and hugs to all my buddies here.   Life’s too short, let’s not mess it up.  {{{{HUGS}}}}

I’m not sure what I was thinking when I wrote that title, but I saved it and put it away for a later blog so I must have had something in mind.  Maybe if I just keep writing I’ll remember what it was.  lol   It’s not been a particularly interesting week.  I’m trying to build my wogging back up before the 5k Sat.  I was in the hospital for a short time last week (stomach virus and heart rate in the 30’s because my BP meds were still too strong due to my weight loss…..sometimes you just can’t win!) and missed a few days exercise, then when I did start back up I noticed I wasn’t quite as strong as the week before.  I’m still doing the 5k, but not sure how well, or even if I’ll be able to finish, but I’ll do my best.  I don’t expect much in the weight loss dept. either…. IV’s seem to make it hard to lose.  Julie said it’s because the saline solution makes you retain water.  Grrr.  I’ll just have to work harder next week.   I’m feeling the urge to snack… my mind keeps going to the jar of peanut butter for some reason…  time to go for the iced tea and frozen grapes.  Talk to y’all later.

It happened while I was sitting here reading blogs. I was right here in ‘Buddyslim Land’ and absently told my husband, “bye, have fun Honey…drive safe.” All the things I normally say when he’s off to play golf with our son and a friend. And out of the blue the thought crept in…. I think I’ll have a little snack. Then I’m thinking, what can I have? Some of that good seed bread I got with some cream cheese on it….I’ll take it out of my flex points…. or maybe a ham sandwich made with that bread and some chips..? So help me God, I even briefly thought of John’s candy drawer!  And then I realized I’m thinking all of this while I’m reading blogs from buddies who are fighting this same battle, and I have the nerve to give them advice and support…what in the Hell am I thinking? I actually stopped myself on the way to a full blown binge. This is a first. I got a big glass of iced tea, my water bottle and a cup of frozen grapes. (Thanks April, you gave me that idea.) I’m enjoying them right now as I write this blog. Oh My God! Could this be a breakthrough? Do you suppose I’m cured? Well, I just had to share this. I know I haven’t blogged in a long time. In fact the last time was when I wrote my ‘naked shower’ blog and the fallout from that one sort of left a bad taste in my mouth…so to speak. lol Anyway, I hope I’m as successful next time the ’snack monster’ threatens to attack again. Right now I’m so full of water, tea and grapes, I know I’m safe til dinner.

Back in June I wrote a blog… I don’t know if you read it, but it was about the shameless hussies in my water aerobics class who parade around the locker room and showers without a suit or towel, and without a care.  I was jealous.    Anyway…. this post is a follow-up to that one.

Today was a ‘milepost’ on the road to realizing a dream. Yep, I took a shower without my suit. I was so pleased with myself, I actually walked back to my locker and then realized I left my towel hanging by the shower, had to go back and get it. (naked)   lol   I don’t know what got into me…  I just got up this morning, looked in the mirror at myself and thought, “you know, you don’t look bad for almost 69 years old with 4 kids and 7 grandkids.  In fact you look kind of cute, and Lord knows this body has given me a lot of good times.  Why should I hide it?”  And that was that.   And the strangest thing was, no one laughed, or even seemed to notice.   My husband has been telling me for years that I’m my biggest critic, but I figured he’s blinded by love.   Maybe not.  Maybe I’m not that bad.  ??  Does it matter?    It’s the body God gave me, and He’s not laughing.  (He might wish I’d taken better care of it, but I’m working on it!)

You know that old game…. but did you realize we play it here on buddyslim almost every day?  It’s true, but instead of sharing a peek at our …well you know, we play the grown up version.  We share a peek at our most private thoughts.  Our fears, doubts, hopes, lies and secret desires. And like the children we once were, we are reassured to find that everyone else has, more or less, the same ’stuff’ we do.  I can’t even begin to guess why we’re this way;  but just knowing that someone else binges, cheats, lies, dreams the same dreams and cries the same tears, is a tremendous comfort. When one of us reaches a goal we all share in the joy and when someone is in a low place and needs support, the response is amazing. I’m motivated every time I see a buddy make progress.  I believe that one of the best ways to lift yourself out of the ‘blahs’ is to  someone else a hand up.  Knowing all that, why do I blog so seldom?  I will spend literally hours reading buddy’s posts and comments, without posting or commenting.  I’m like an anonymous voyeur… spying quietly, thinking comments in my head, but not responding.  But once I start…….. look out!  Here I come, and I just can go on and on until I think you must all be sick of ‘listening’ to me.  I guess I’m the same way with a lot of things in my life.  Like housework.  It piles up until I can’t stand it, then I become obsessed with keeping everything just so.  (for a while, anyway)  Well, that’s about it, don’t know where this was supposed to go………  I don’t even know what it has to do with weight loss, but I hope it strikes a chord with someone.  Surely I’m not the only one that needs to know I’m not the only one with ’stuff’.    

So many times I see a new buddy appear, with the same ‘apple face’ and no weight tracker.  In fact, when I first came to buddyslim I was an apple, too.  Then after a while, the realization that there is no need to hide comes to most of us.  It is liberating to post your picture, even the ‘whole body shot’ that most of us thought we would never share.  Putting myself and my true weight out there for all to see, did it ever feel good.   I can quit wondering what people would think if they knew how fat I was, if they would still like me….  you know ‘in real life’ we’ve all felt the disdain that some people feel toward ‘fat people’.  It is so hurtful that it becomes something we try to avoid.  At least I did.  Avoid situations that put me in the spotlight, stand a little behind someone or something for the dreaded photo, didn’t eat in public unless I had to (and then I was very shy about eating too much, that was for later, alone)  and always wear baggy clothes, like they’d think it was a big shirt and I was really smaller …  ??    But it’s different here, no one judges or looks away.  No snickers.. just acceptance and a lot of support and even love and hugs and friendships.   So I encourage those who are hiding to come on out.  Post the pics, post the weight tracker.   It’s worth a try, what have you got to lose?  It made losing much easier for me.  I don’t know why.

That’s what my husband said when I was whining last night.  I don’t know what happened, I had been doing so well all week… then after reading someone’s blog about a binge (and giving her some darned good advice, if I do say so myself) I did it.  Started with deciding to have a little something after lunch.  I decided on a Fiber One bar, only two points, but then put a spoonful of peanut butter on it.  Yum!  thennn…. that peanut butter was so good, and it is reduced fat so I think I’ll just have a spoonful and I did.  Then I had some frozen watermelon, that’s healthy, right?  Then I just had to have some rice crackers and Laughing Cow cheese, that would have been good, but I was too full to appreciate it. and guilty.  So guilty that I ate more at dinner than I should have and ended up about ten points over my 20 allowed for the day.    So, yes I was whining about it.  What’s a gal to do?  But when he poo-pooed my binge, it did make me think about past binges.  REAL ones……  the ones that included chocolate chip cookies with butter spread on top…..   five candy bars and a whole bag of popcorn with real melted butter and everything else I could possibly get down without being sick.  Now that’s a binge.  I guess I wasn’t so bad yesterday.  But I wish I hadn’t done it.