sandy

but I just can’t do it. Oh, I’ve tried. I actually showered with my suit off, twice. But then I found myself dreading going to water aerobics, finding excuses not to go. So I gave up. I feel like such a prude, everyone else is washing their hair, sharing body wash, shaving their legs. Not me…. I wash off quickly and go into the locker room where I can, hopefully get my suit off, dry and dress behind my big towel before too many of them see me. It’s not like I’m the only fat girl. Our ages range from 30’s to 80’s, and I am by no means the biggest. Yet they have no qualms about being totally naked. They will stand and talk to me like we are in the middle of the produce dept. at Safeway and properly dressed. I don’t know where to look. Do you suppose when I lose more weight and gain some self confidence I will get over this stupidness? or is it just the way I will always be? These ladies are my friends, most of them I’ve known for 5 years or more, so it’s not like a room full of strangers. I know this is a really strange topic for a blog, but it has been bothering me for a long time and when I sat down to write, it just ‘blogged out’. Does anyone else have this problem?

I used to think it was really a pain in the butt, but have come to the conclusion that it’s actually saving my butt.  (from unsightly butt fat…lol)  I’m talking about the freezer & fridge in the garage.  I have a small ref/feezer in my very small kitchen.  So the big freezer and fridge live in the garage.  (not attached, have to go outside, across the drive to get to it)  Oh what an inconvenience!  BUT, I have come to realize that I only have room for “healthy food” in the house.  Talk about re-thinking that bowl of ice cream!  John keeps his Pepsi and chips and other “goodies”  out there. (bless him)   If you have that extra fridge out in the garage, you might want to think about how you use it.   Oh yeah, it’s a pain, but in truth, it can be a lifesaver.  (get that picture of a “Lifesaver” out of your mind, I’m not talking about candy here)

I am soooo happy for you guys. Yes I am! I am not one bit jealous…. nope! Not me. It’s just not in my nature. (WAH… yes I am. It’s not fair…I’m tellin’. You guys are just trying to make me feel bad…. sniff, sniff.)    I was so good last week, cheering Julie on, because she thought she gained (she lost 2 lbs) (Rachel lost 4.4 lbs, Erika lost 1 lb, ANNIE lost 2) I don’t exactly remember who the other losers are, but they aren’t me. I maintained.    MAINTAINED.   Big Whoopie!   Now just try to cheer me up! After walking and wogging my ass off, (I thought) and eating nothing that wasn’t healthy and controlling my portions…. OK, you know I’m just kidding (mostly) I’m so proud of my team, and myself for the long way I’ve come, I was looking in my old journal and my waist has gone from 40 to 34 inches. I know it’s not all about the scales …….       Yay Heartbreakers…. Go Team!

Well, I probably did do it before, but it’s been so long ago I completely forgot what it felt like.  A friend invited my husband and me to a cookout to meet his wife.  He is my youngest grandson’s girlfriend’s father.  We met him last year when he came  to Oregon with my grandson to look at property and promised to return with his wife…and he did.  Well, my son, his wife, John and I all drove over to their campsite and he was cooking steaks for us, introduced us to his wife and two of their daughters.  We all had a very nice visit, I ate ‘mindfully’ and no one seemed to notice, unless they thought I was strange because I didn’t drink beer or pop…. just water.  Since they didn’t really know me I think they just thought I had weird tastes.  (one of my goals is to eat healthy without causing a commotion… ;)   Anyway, back to the story, after a nice dinner and some fun flying John’s remote control plane (great ice-breaker by the way)  Sam (the friend) took pictures.  Guess What?  I liked my picture.  And Said So!  How brazen is that?  Everyone agreed I looked good, and then it hit me.  I had enjoyed the entire visit without feeling fat.  Didn’t worry about getting up from the picnic table and feeling like everyone was thinking ‘wow, look at her butt’ or fussing with my shirt to make sure it wasn’t pulled up in the back or too tight over my belly.  I even chased around after the dog and the plane.  I was silly and fun.   I think I am getting self-confidence.  I forgot what that feels like.  I like it!  If this is what eating healthy and wogging does for me, BRING IT ON!

Check out the New Year’s Resolution for Christmas Weight Loss Challenge. We are all about fun and making the holidays a positive experience. You know that’s not always the case for us here at buddyslim. So many temptations to deal with ‘holiday stress’ the wrong way. You know exactly what I mean! Too much food, not enough exercise. Here’s a sample of the fun we have while we’re “Losing the Weight in 2008, Lookin’ Fine in 2009!” (keep in mind, you don’t have to try to lose a ton, my goal is only 16 lbs in the next 7 months) That will make me “149 in 2009!”

My new Christmas workout video….
Granny & Santa Get Down!

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and judging from a comment I received on that blog,  I think I might have given the wrong impression.   I didn’t have a my weight loss in a short time. It has been over two years since I “stoped dieting”. I have averaged just about 2 lbs a month. (and it has been a learning experience the whole time) Joining BuddySlim has helped make the change from mindless eating to mindful eating. Reading the problems of so many buddies is an eye-opening experience. You begin to see a pattern…. at first I wanted to ’save everyone’ but now I realize each one of us has to find our own path. What works for me might not work for a young person’ getting ready for her wedding’ or ‘losing that baby weight’.  I just tell my story and try to offer encouragement when I can.

I keep telling everyone, don’t diet. It almost always fails. For me it has only ended with a bigger gain and more guilt. I finally decided it was to late for me to get ‘thin enough’ and just decided to concentrate on learning to eat healthy and increase my activity level. (I couldn’t say “exercise” any more than I could say “diet”)  Finally, my body is responding with a slow, steady weight loss. I average about 2 lbs a month and I am content with that. I know I’m stronger, healthier and look better than I have in years.  My only regret is that I didn’t discover this about 30 years ago!  Oh well, it’s really never too late. Take my word for it!   I owe much of what I’ve accomplished to Buddyslim and the many friends I’ve found here.   I’ve learned a lot about healthy eating and how to ‘increase my activity level’  from my teammates in the weight-loss challenges.   Believe it or not, I’ve learned that looking and feeling your best isn’t something you get by ‘dieting’.